So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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