I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't deserve a penis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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