I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How does one acquire holy water?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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