i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
