i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
