I feel great
I just peed on a car
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
