FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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