Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
