it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
