so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize