He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
