I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
