I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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