Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
