and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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