forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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