Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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