i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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