Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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