Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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