the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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