see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
