i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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