i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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