I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
