After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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