Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you never un-have a 4some
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
