in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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