you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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