Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
