areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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