New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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