she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
