After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
