god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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