Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
