Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
