I have demons in me.
just tell him i said nine months
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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