i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
