when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
