none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
