dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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