My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
