i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
