What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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