I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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