I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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