Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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