I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
