So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
