my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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