I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
