Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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