I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
