I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
