I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the day after is always just damage control
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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