Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
