Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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