U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
