Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
FUCK WHALES
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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