He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
