First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
