I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
