High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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