Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
