just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
