Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
time to smoke my breakfast
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
