i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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