the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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