a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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