I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
